Hi friends. It’s with a heavy heart that I write again on the blog after a few “speechless” days of quiet and reflection in the aftermath of the Boston Marathon explosions. It’s hard to continue on with life and keep doing the things I normally do – tweet about my breakfast and instagram my post-workout-glow, blog about the usual moments throughout my week as a personal trainer and wife and woman. And yet, while the pause and stillness is needed and good, I can’t help but do anything other than trust that God is sovereign and in control – even amidst the shock, the confusion, the scary moments and the suffering. God is, and will remain, good – regardless of my understanding of events. I’m thankful that his ways are so far above my own and his plans so much more far-reaching that my own.

As I’ve reflected I’ve looked back thoughtfully at my own journey as a runner and wanted to republish bits of a post I wrote for Heather a while back. As much as I love KB swings and jumping rope and pull ups in the gym, I have a history with running that goes back to pre-Canada, pre-marriage, pre-pubescent days…

I ran cross country and track in high school and right from the beginning running came naturally to me. Since then I have continued to run and love it because it has taught me so much, even from a young age, and continues to serve as an emotional outlet, form of physical fitness, and character builder in my life. While there are many things I’ve learned from running, I wanted to share how it’s helped me in different times of my life.

Larch Valley, Alberta, Canada

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I started off my freshman year running varsity races and soon started winning – often. Because I didn’t expect it and knew nothing different, it seemed normal and not like a big deal as I ran with friends and enjoyed every new race and experience. Soon enough, however, I came to expect to be in the front of the pack and my identity slowly became that of the crazy, fast, long distance runner at school. I loved it and embraced the butterflies in my stomach on race days, making friends with the top runners from the other high schools we raced against and even competing as a solo runner from my school at the California State Cross Country Championships twice. It was a wonderful community and helpedshape my character immensely as a teenager.

However, it soon took over my identity, which, when coupled with the fact that I started slowing down at the end of my junior year, meant I started dreading race days. I wasn’t competing at the same level and I was embarrassed, wondering what the coaches of others schools would think of me and was unconsolable at the end of a poor performance (as my parents can attest to).

It took some humbling races and honest conversations for me to realize that running had become too much of my identity. I am so thankful for the people in my life who spoke to me in those times and confronted me on what was most important: trying my best and “leaving it all on the track,” as my dad would say, rather than coming in first. Running tested my physical abilities but more importantly tried my character and ultimately was a great parallel for me for staying the course and fixing my eyes on Jesus, not myself and my own success.

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Fast forward through university, where I played rugby for a year, through years of close relationships and new experiences, where I ran only for fun and fitness occasionally. Keep going through my time as an outdoor adventure guide and my marriage to Mikey and our first home in a small trailer in the mountain town of Plain, Washington. I ran for fun in the off-season from being a guide with youth, winding down country roads and loving the fun, quiet, fresh season of life. Running then was an outlet for me and a wonderful alone time where I soaked every moment in; I loved it more and more during those years even though it wasn’t a focus of my life.

During those years: Running the Hood to Coast Relay in Oregon – down from Mt. Hood here on the first leg of the 2-day journey!

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In May 2008, everything changed overnight. As many of you know, Mikey was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma and in the blink of an eye we packed up our trailer, said goodbye to life in Washington, and moved into his parents’ basement in Calgary, Alberta (north of the border) during his chemo and radiation treatments. During this time, running was myemotional outlet. I became a permanent resident, began work as a personal trainer and spent long hours in the gym building my business while he could not work, leaving over a break at lunch to be present at his appointments at the cancer center. If a client cancelled at the gym, I ran. When it was bitterly cold outside (still adjusting to the Canadian winters!), I ran on the treadmills at the gym; in the summer I ran on the roads. I didn’t realize that I needed an outlet; I thought I was doing great dealing with all the change and there were many joyful moments during that time too! But looking back I realized how thin I was (must have been stress as I remember eating all my mother-in-law’s baking!) and how much I ran during that year and a half – unconsciously for my sanity and to deal with my emotions.

Cross Conservatory just outside Calgary, Alberta, Canada

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In the past few years I’ve run because my body craves it. Running is a time for me to pray and connect with God even silently at times. Running is a challenge - both mentally on tough runs and physically while charging up hills or just making it out the door. I love packing up some fuel and heading out, not knowing how long my legs will carry me but thankful for the ability to simply move. This hits closer to home after Boston with the reality that so many of those who were injured or lost their lives would love to feel their lungs burning from a sprint workout or their legs giving way beneath them on a steep hill climb.

Medal from my recent half marathon, Run for L’Arche in March.

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But now, for the first time ever, I’m actually training for an event – my first marathon in June. I woke up this morning with an early alarm clock, thinking about the runners, spectators, passerbys and families of those in Boston and headed out into the cold for 13 kms. It was not an easy run, and it was tough to get out of my warm bed, but I thought about those who would have loved to be out there running before the work day and it pushed me on. I’m thankful to be a part of this bigger community and thankful that running has become a part of me in a bigger way again. This marathon will hold a little more significance for me as I #runforBoston and keep sight of it during my training.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted.” (Hebrews 12: 1-3).

If you’re a runner, why do you run? What motivates you to lace up and get out, and how has running helped you through different seasons of life?

Live well & be well,

Bonnie